Rediscovering my true self

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in 

which you yourself have altered.” 

― Nelson Mandela

About a year and bit ago, with the aim of pursuing my degree in business, I moved out of my little cocoon with limited knowledge about my own self only to immerse myself into the deepest end of the ocean which we can call, another country; oh wait, another continent. The transition from a third world country to a first world country was mahusive, but everything was a step UP so a month in and I had fully adapted to the culture and system of the West.  Every day was a new experience, filled with brand new lessons and beautiful memories. In the midst of those experiences, something beautiful started to happen. I began to find myself; in ways that I cannot fully comprehend.  It was like every person that walked into my life, had something to teach me about myself; about my thought process; about life. I loved it, to be honest. And the trains and buses, the independence, the availability of everything in the palm of your hand and of course, the glory that is FOOD. It was all pretty satisfying; I didn’t’ have to wait on anyone to do anything.

But it wasn’t too long before all the tall and fancy buildings I admired became stagnant blocks of glass; a container for people’s misery and sorrows. I began to observe everybody on the trains and the streets, even in their offices only to realize that most of them were SO unhappy; just getting by their day and ultimately, rushing through life; trying to meet deadlines and struggling to cover their expenses with a bare minimum salary. Within all of that chaos, for the first time in my entire life, I realized what I wanted and it wasn’t to rush through life. Never did I have to make a big decision for myself; I even had trouble selecting what I wanted to have for lunch off a restaurant menu (not because it was a lengthy menu but because I genuinely didn't know). I wasn’t fully conscious of what I liked or disliked, of how I reacted to certain situations but thankfully, all of that changed in 2014. When I think of it now, I guess it was because I was so ‘busy’ trying to study and get through my exams and make space for my ‘friends’, I forgot about myself for a few years – there was nobody to blame.

My inner voice (that I had unintentionally suppressed for so long) began to surface more and more each day as I grew to learn what I was really about. I started doing the things I wouldn’t think of doing otherwise, talking and getting to know more people; I had not felt so comfortable with myself before. It felt like I was on fire. 6 months into the transition, I realized something big. I realized that the degree was only an excuse; I was brought out to see the world for a whole other reason; to discover myself – the only real degree that will help me through life; guaranteed.

400 days later, it was time to return to my home country. A country where things worked differently, where corruption levels were ridiculously high, where internet was limited and safety, was an issue. Now, you can only imagine the magnitude of the shift that had to be made. I’ve trained myself to be pretty adaptable all my life and before I flew out, I had accepted that it was going to be tough, but I didn’t realize how tough until I set foot into the country. The truth is, for a whole week I struggled. I had days where I just wanted to lay in bed and cry because nothing was working out, everything seemed a lot harder than it was supposed to be. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without safety being a huge concern. I felt stuck, limited and inadequate. I didn’t want to speak to anybody but I also didn’t want to complain. I couldn’t dwell in this forever; I wanted to resort to the internet, my haven, my medium of growth.

One week in, I decided to get hold of the wheel. Today, it’s been four weeks and things have changed once again; for the better. Change is only going to be easier to deal with when we decide to accept it, and change the way we respond to what comes with it. Situations may be out of our control however we are still in charge of how we process them; we can make it as easy or as hard as we want to for ourselves. So I would say, let’s make it easier on our minds and hearts, and try to change our mindset in every situation – tough times don’t last forever. 

Keep the faith, breathe and stay blessed :)